Tribes

 

Tribes. The notion of this has been coming up a lot lately, from a lot of different people.  Sometimes I think that we (in general) spend more time reminiscing about our past tribes instead of creating our future ones.  We spend time remembering how much fun we had on our “old stomping grounds” or how included and close we felt when we were with the “old gang” or we believe, somewhere in the back of our head, that we are superior to those currently attending our old high schools because we were there first and only WE know the lay of the land. 

Why?  Why do we do this?  I am certainly guilty of it myself.  I remember all of my best friends going back through the years.  I remember living across the street from E and spending every moment with her until we moved away. I was crushed and wanted to grab back on to that friendship when we moved back, but it was never the same. We had grown apart by then.  I saw her again, many, many years later and while it was so good to see her, again, two different lives.  Then there was O. We were so close that we even tried to “trade lives” for a week (we would live at each other’s houses).  I think that lasted a day and a half before I came running home because I missed my parents.  I remember my best friend T – I spent every morning at her house getting ready for school, jamming out to Phil Collins, teasing her brother and playing with her dog.  I reached out her to several years later and her response was 'Hey glad you are well, but I haven’t tried to contact you at all, so I see no point in a friendship now.'  I admit, that one stung.  I remember spending every waking moment with CC. I called her mom ‘Mom’ as well (still do).  We did everything together – we were inseparable. Until we weren’t. I remember the years spent with W – writing notes back and forth, stalking boys we had crushes on (even the one I married), having certain songs that just became our anthem (do you have the time...).  Kind of the same deal as E – I moved away, I moved back, things were never the same. I miss these people – more than I would ever care to admit.

I know how my heart aches when I think of the past. I know it takes my breath away sometimes when I remember such good times.  And I know that sometimes I spend too much time there.  I can’t get that back. I can never get that back.  I know that and because I know that, I don’t want to get it back. What I want is to create the new memories now. I want to have my adult tribe – the one that sits around drinking wine and laughing and talking about books and movies and spouses. Instead, as adults, we are busier making excuses, spewing negativity, and dreaming of the “good ol’ days”. We would rather shut ourselves in our homes where we are comfortable rather than reach a little outside our comfort zones, even if means a rewarding experience. We would rather hold on to disagreements, even ones that are decades old, instead of just letting them go and moving forward together.  We would rather insist on how well we “know” someone because we knew everything about them 20 years ago, but not take the time to get to know them now.  

Take the time. Get to know them. Make new friends too. Form your tribe. Step out of the past and live for the future.