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Accountability

 

Over the last month or so, I have written at least 8 different drafts of things I wanted to post here. Some of them have been bitter and a little hateful. Some have been a little more desperate or sad.  Almost all of them talk about something I want to change, something I need to change, but something I am not changing at all.

 I know where my life is right this very moment. I don’t necessarily know where it is going, but I know where it is.  I also know I’m not happy with it. My house is still full of way too much stuff.  My relationships with a lot of people are suffering. I am the heaviest I have ever been. I am probably the least active I have been as well. I want to change that, I ALWAYS want to change that. Admittedly, I fight my own demons on this one.  Once upon a time, I had a regular exercise routine. I was stronger and healthier and slimmer.  As a family, we were pretty active, even if it was just nightly walks. I felt much better about myself.  That process took several years. It was definitely not overnight. Then…a bunch of things happened and I used those things as an excuse. Surgeries and deaths and heartbreak and depression and resignation. Excuse. Excuse. Excuse.  SO. MANY. EXCUSES.

 I need things to change. I also know that, in my current mindset, I can’t do it myself. I need help. I need someone to keep me accountable. I need someone to make me do the hard stuff.  I need someone to put me back on track when I slip. I need someone. 

 

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