Screen Time, Self and Mental Health

Yesterday, I sat around ALL day staring at my phone or the TV. I mean the entire day. By the time I went to bed, I felt awful. I felt lazy and fat and like the worst parent ever (Happy Easter kiddies).

Today I know that most of those things aren’t true (I hope), but in my reflection of the day, I came to realize a few small truths about myself. One truth is that I have zero desire to do that again. I skipped ping pong with the family. I barely looked up when someone came into the room. I paid no mind to the laughter of my family – something I ordinarily crave. Ugh, what was I thinking.

Another truth – though not necessarily spurned from yesterday, is that I still, every day, am figuring out who I am, who I want to be. On one hand, I want to have a house that is very minimal and neutral, concentrating on fresh air and all things NOT screen related. On another hand, I want to have a house that is annoyingly hipster-comfy stylish where I can focus on those “raw feelings” and “vulnerability”. On yet another hand, I want a place that is early 90’s chic (if you can call it that) with wood and blankets and coziness (think Gin Blossoms playing in the background). I want to spend my time meditating, walking outside, learning to love things like fresh lavender, praying, exercising, playing with my children, creating, breathing, listening to music, dancing, cooking once in a while, learning new things, purging all the crap.

To say I’m conflicted is perhaps a bit of an understatement.

I know for most people, this lockdown has really affected them mentally. I think many went in feeling okay, planning on all the things they would get done in their homes. But as time goes on, the isolation makes us weary and yearning for group hikes, camping, shopping, theme parks or dinner with friends. I am no exception to this mental health hit. I struggle with it every day. I want to see my friends. I want the people I am close to to help me through the hurt and pain I feel every day not being able to call my parents like I did. I want a hug or a cup of coffee or a nice note or a hike. I want to plan a trip with my family, another with my friends. I want to go and see things I haven’t seen before and go places I haven’t been to before. Again, I know most people are going through some of these same things. I certainly won’t take away from their struggle. I just…I want to call my mom. ☹️

Comments

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And Miles To Go Before I Sleep

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