Screen Time, Self and Mental Health

Yesterday, I sat around ALL day staring at my phone or the TV. I mean the entire day. By the time I went to bed, I felt awful. I felt lazy and fat and like the worst parent ever (Happy Easter kiddies).

Today I know that most of those things aren’t true (I hope), but in my reflection of the day, I came to realize a few small truths about myself. One truth is that I have zero desire to do that again. I skipped ping pong with the family. I barely looked up when someone came into the room. I paid no mind to the laughter of my family – something I ordinarily crave. Ugh, what was I thinking.

Another truth – though not necessarily spurned from yesterday, is that I still, every day, am figuring out who I am, who I want to be. On one hand, I want to have a house that is very minimal and neutral, concentrating on fresh air and all things NOT screen related. On another hand, I want to have a house that is annoyingly hipster-comfy stylish where I can focus on those “raw feelings” and “vulnerability”. On yet another hand, I want a place that is early 90’s chic (if you can call it that) with wood and blankets and coziness (think Gin Blossoms playing in the background). I want to spend my time meditating, walking outside, learning to love things like fresh lavender, praying, exercising, playing with my children, creating, breathing, listening to music, dancing, cooking once in a while, learning new things, purging all the crap.

To say I’m conflicted is perhaps a bit of an understatement.

I know for most people, this lockdown has really affected them mentally. I think many went in feeling okay, planning on all the things they would get done in their homes. But as time goes on, the isolation makes us weary and yearning for group hikes, camping, shopping, theme parks or dinner with friends. I am no exception to this mental health hit. I struggle with it every day. I want to see my friends. I want the people I am close to to help me through the hurt and pain I feel every day not being able to call my parents like I did. I want a hug or a cup of coffee or a nice note or a hike. I want to plan a trip with my family, another with my friends. I want to go and see things I haven’t seen before and go places I haven’t been to before. Again, I know most people are going through some of these same things. I certainly won’t take away from their struggle. I just…I want to call my mom. ☹️

Comments

Declutter the House (and Mind)

Wow - it has been a LONG time since I've posted here. Maybe that's a good thing, ha! I'm posting now because I am setting a challenge for myself. It's the 30 day Minimalism Challenge. If you have never heard of it, the rules are simple. Basically you get rid of stuff every single day for 30 days. The usual rules are 1 thing on the 1st, 2 things on the 2nd, 3 things on the 3rd and so on until you have gotten rid of 465 things. I tried it once before and didn't make it very far, maybe day 5. I found that growing number to be kind of intimidating so I am going to change it up a little bit. I am going to write down numbers 1-30 on pieces of paper and randomly pick one every day. That will be the number of items I get rid of that day. The idea is these items must be OUT of your house by midnight each day. In my case, I'm sure that the husband's car trunk will hold quite a collection for a weekly donation run since I don't have time to make that run d...

The Final Countdown

Well, I did it. I made it through the month of purging. 465 items officially, but since I didn't count most of the stuff I threw away, I would estimate closer to 575-600 things. There are a number of things I have learned in the process. First, I have kept a lot of stupid things. I came across so many items that genuinely baffled me as to why I kept them. They had no use, no sentimental value, no reason at all for keeping them, and yet I did. I would say, even the spaces I went through, I could probably get rid of more, but I am happy with where they are at for now. Once I go through the other spaces in my house, I am sure I will circle back around and get rid of even more. Second, it was much easier getting rid of things than I thought it would be. I have purged items before, but never in such quantities. I attempted this challenge once before but I don't think I even made it through the first week. Excuses and time just got the best of ...

Writing

When I was younger, I always wanted to write. I kept notebooks and notebooks of poetry and I was meticulous about them. If I had to cross out a word or, God-forbid, tear out a page – I had to start over with a whole new notebook. I thought for sure that someday, I would write books. I loved to read them, couldn’t get enough, why couldn’t I write them too? If only it were that easy! I started many fiction stories and often, no later than page 10, I would realize exactly how tedious writing a book is. I just did not have the patience for it. When I read a book, I read quickly. It’s something I have always done, because I am impatient. I want to know the end-game right now. I taught myself to skim (thanks Stephen King for putting SO much detail into a book that I learned this little trick). Don’t get me wrong. I READ everything, but I process it a second later. It’s like driving a car. When you drive, you don’t (or should...

And Miles To Go Before I Sleep

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